Episode Six –Confessions, Cocaine, Canoeing

by Jim Fishwick on 5 September, 2018

As Countess Ana Maria Borsova, Dr Hans Foottee, and concierge Theodore Jones sat down for their regularly scheduled dinner, things went awry quickly. Not only was Theodore running around to set the table in the absence of Yvette and Tomas, but the dinner party was unexpectedly joined by hotel owner Belvedere Hogg. An unusual time, then, for the Countess to thank Theodore for returning her silver bracelet, even though she had to clean blood stains off it. An even more unusual time for Doctor Foottee to announce that he, through the miracles of modern science, was pregnant.

Sister Agnes Assumption returned to the hotel, alongside social butterfly Lydia Windsor. The Countess wasted no time telling Sister Agnes that many years ago she had a child and confessing that she had to give him away. Sister Agnes politely informed the Countess that she isn’t a priest, and can’t take confessions, but listens politely nonetheless. Jacques, having picked up some extra responsibilities around the short-staffed hotel, had a heart-to-heart with Theodore, confessing he rather enjoyed the work. Theodore ruminated that perhaps it could be his to go gallivanting across the globe while Jacques stays put.

Meanwhile, in Paris, Yvette and Tomas happened to check into the same seedy, run-down hôtel. Despite their misunderstandings, they confessed that they still love each other truly and deeply, and said those three magic words: “Let’s Kill Belvedere Hogg”. Okay, four words.

Theodore opened a private telegram to reveal that the blood on the Countess’ bracelet belonged to none other than Eleanor Prigg. Dr Hans Foottee, hearing this, buried Prigg’s body in the cornfield, before running to Sister Agnes to confess his pregnancy. Again, she’s not a priest.

Lydia and Jacques, betwixt lines of cocaine at the bar, recognised each other from a fling they had years ago in Morocco, and celebrated with more cocaine. Belvedere Hogg and the Countess, meanwhile, bonded over their shared hatred of people called August, and their shared love of canoeing.

Sister Agnes and mystery writer Jean-Claude Cliché were skipping gaily through the cornfield, their hearts full of song, when they stumbled across Prigg’s body. They hurried back to the hotel, and revealed their discovery to the Countess, Theodore, Jacques, and Belvedere.

Yvette and Tomas snuck back to the hotel, and sought advice from a heavily pregnant Doctor Foottee about the best way to murder someone. His suspiciously fast reply was ‘poison’. They planted some poison in Belvedere’s evening glass milk, and deliver it to his room.

The Countess, newly in love with Belvedere Hogg, bumped into Theodore in the corridor. He admitted to having killed her cousin August. She thanked him for doing her that favour, and promised him a Pomeranian diamond in return.

Doctor Foottee gave himself a c-section, to a baby that looked suspiciously like Eleanor Prigg. But as one life came into this world, another left: Theodore and the Countess find the body of Belvedere Hogg. Quick, someone call Sister Agnes to do last rites!